Candy fights an uphill battle for her son

Author: Dot Ramos Balasbas-Gancayco

Adjusting to life with a baby from single blessedness will always be a challenge for women, especially when the mother goes through the experience without the baby's father to lend a hand. But it's even tougher for Candy, since her son, Quentin, now four, was born “different.” The boy has ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), and Candy is not hiding it.

Candy grew up in Quezon City with three siblings. She studied in Maryknoll College, now Miriam, and St. Paul's College. Candy was as a hyperactive, very talkative child who excelled in music and sports. Her ability to captivate people on stage became evident when she started representing her school at declamation and oratorical contests.

At the University of the Philippines- Diliman where she took up Theater Arts, Candy was discovered for her acting talent because of her steely determination. She practically stalked Boyong Baytion, then an assistant director for a TV show, to tell him she could act.

“I was relentless in my pursuit to be discovered to the point that I and my friends followed Mr. Baytion while he was jogging around the UP campus,” declares Candy. The guy, realizing Candy would not stop hounding him, finally gave her a chance and that, together with the help of great directors, like Tony Mabesa, Peque Gallaga and Don Escudero, started Candy on an acting career that has now spanned more than a decade.

It was in UP where Candy began dating her future husband. They were together for about eight years until they tied the knot in a grand wedding in 2001 with no less than 11 priests and one bishop officiating. Unfortunately, the marriage did not last long for reasons which I will not discuss here as there is a pending annulment case. A month after Quentin was born in 2003, Candy's husband left for good. Several months after, Candy's family observed that something just did not seem right with the baby.

At nine months, Quentin appeared cross-eyed, so they brought him to an eye doctor who prescribed a pair of eyeglasses. As time passed by, Candy started thinking that her son was a slow learner. He could not stand, walk or talk at the time when he should be doing so. Candy became really alarmed when they noticed that Baby Quentin did not seem to feel pain. When he hit his head on something hard or fall on the floor, he would go on with his business as if he did not hurt himself at all. The symptoms worsened when Baby Quentin started having tantrums. He'd pull Candy's hair, bite her in different parts of her body, even bang his head on the wall. There would be continuous crying, screaming, or throwing of things for hours and hours.

When she went to a developmental doctor, Candy learned that this display of tantrums was Quentin's expression of frustration as he could not communicate what he wanted to say. It was also his way of getting attention.

Candy, still grieving from her broken marriage, had to deal with yet another big blow in her life. But instead of folding up and wallowing in self-pity, Candy did the rounds of physicians, psychiatrists and psychologists. She got hold of relevant books and materials and researched on her son's affliction. With all the data she gathered, Candy did what the doctor advised was best for her child. She enrolled him in a regular school with normal children, bringing him to an occupational and speech therapist, and even seeking the help of an attitude behavior analyst thrice a week.

At home, Candy put up a trampoline where Quentin could jump and play over and over when he gets hyperactive. She bought a big ball for various therapeutic purposes and set up a small swimming pool especially for Quentin.

“We do joint exercises. I also plan to give him music and water therapy in due time,” says Candy.

Yet, in spite of all the help from therapists, the accommodating schools, her very patient mother and sister, Candy admits taking care of Quentin especially when he was younger was extremely daunting.

When Quentin pulled her hair, bit her, hit her or hurt her, she would try her best not to show any reaction, per the doctors' advice. Reacting will only reinforce the child's ploy to get Candy's attention.

And so Candy shed tears of pain in silence. It was acting in the real sense of the word. But the pain that is much harder to bear is when she sees other children refusing to play with her son, avoiding him, or worse, bullying him, only because he cannot communicate.

“It pains me so much but I could not be overprotective of him,” shares Candy, because, as a therapist had advised, Quentin must be left alone to fend for himself so he can get used to the realities that go with his situation. It is during these times when Candy turns to her faith in God to enable her to cope and strengthen her to do what's right for her son.

The comedienne has now mastered the art of patience. She has also learned to appreciate things she had taken for granted before, like the ability to communicate.

“I often hear parents complain that their children are very talkative. They do not realize how fortunate they are. I would be somersaulting all over the place with joy if only I could hear my son say `Mommy!'” says Candy.

Candy had only one thing in mind when she sought all the different kinds of therapies for her son. “I want him to become functional and independent. Mahirap na, kasi madali talaga siyang maloloko.” Quentin craves for friendships. He would do anything even to the extent of giving away all his toys to gain friends. That's why Candy's biggest worry is what will happen to him when she and her family are no longer around to take care of Quentin. Other parents dream of their children becoming presidents, lawyers, doctors or celebrities. Candy has only one wish for Quentin: For him to live a normal life and do little things on his own, like turning the light on and off. Then, and only then, will Candy be truly happy, and have peace of mind.

(E-mail me at celebrationsdot@yahoo.com or text 0927-5000833.)

Source: The Philippine Star